Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Success! We fucked roommates!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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