So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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