we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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