atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
