I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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