Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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