can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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