I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
handjob tips. give me some.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
