I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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