Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
jump out the window naked night went bad
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