Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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