in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
