what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
