Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
