I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
