I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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