so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
