This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
