My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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