my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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