i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
