Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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