You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
