So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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