week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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