I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
