I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
