true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
