my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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