I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
