I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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