3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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