did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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