If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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