it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
