last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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