She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
