just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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