I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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