You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
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We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
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I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Can you bring me the toilet please
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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