true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
