We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
