dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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