You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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