I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We are all done wearing pants today
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
