He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
