there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
