i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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