We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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