I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
