just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
