I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
