he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
