i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
