How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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