I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
