That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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