I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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