forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
