just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
