my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Floor bacon is actually really good
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
