She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
