I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
