why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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