She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
