I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I want to fling myself into the sun
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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