Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
