yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
