this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
