remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i love accidental penises.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
