it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The beer is more important than you right now.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
