so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
