i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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