dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
