Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
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I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
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Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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