He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
