Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
