thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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