just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
What drink are we having for lunch?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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