dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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