There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Did I show you my penis last night?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
