i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
