i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
