I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
